I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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