Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The ass gains better be worth it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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