I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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