I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so that wasnt chicken after all
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
