I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
