I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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