The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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