I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
