i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
