shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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