I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
