Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize