Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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