I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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