need another drink. this is the easiest way
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
