today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
