ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
