Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
send nudes
from the living room?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
