Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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