we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
