Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
