i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize