Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
