Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
