Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize