Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
