I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
