A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
