What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
