I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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