This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
