after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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