Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
