Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
