you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
