i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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