my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
