maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
