Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
