I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my liver is dry heaving
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
