i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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