If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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