wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
honey bunches of taint.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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