Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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