I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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