Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
