My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
