i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
