The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just cropdusted the office
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
