We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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