I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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