I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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