when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
