I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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