trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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