omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
