the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
