my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
