You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
