on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
