Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
