My first STD was from a foam party
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
