omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
