i think my tv is drunk
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
