even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
