you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
