Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
