I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
