im about as happy as oj after his trial
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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