He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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