Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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